Small business owners often baulk at the thought of networking. A networking lunch may be considered a sacrifice of time and energy. So, how would they view attending 500 lunches with people they’d never met?

What may seem an impossible commitment to most became a valuable experiment for copywriting agency owner and author Nick Bendel. Over six years, he ate lunch with 500 strangers, not as a sales tactic but as a genuine attempt to forge connections and learn lessons that could elevate his business.

Bendel proved his thesis that no business can thrive in a vacuum and reinforced the power of networking, even when it feels uncomfortable. “Networking is a form of marketing and the most important activity in any business is sales. If we don’t make sales, we go out of business,” he explains. “If we want to have consistent revenue, we need to make sure we’re doing consistent marketing. And part of consistent marketing is consistent networking.”

In his book, The 500 Lunches Effect, Bendel introduces the concept of social courage, arguing it’s a lack of confidence, not skill, that stops many small and medium business owners pursuing the relationships that lead to growth.

Giving A Business A Boost With A Big, Bold Experiment

Bendel was inspired into action by Melbourne author Kaley Chu, who wrote a book about dining with 100 strangers. At the time, he was battling to turn his copywriting side-hustle into a full-time venture, and knew he needed to be forced out of his comfort zone.

“It occurred to me that if I kept doing the things I had been doing all my life, which was to be an introvert, stay at home on my own, that person would struggle to build a successful business,” he recalls. “I realised I needed to put myself out there, which was a scary thought. I needed to improve my social skills, strengthen my mindset, build a great network, and I thought if I did those things, I would be able to build a successful business.”

He set a goal five times more ambitious than Chu’s and cold-called her with an invitation to be his inaugural lunch guest. “In August 2019, I flew from Sydney to Melbourne to have lunch with her, and then flew home on the same day. That was the first lunch. I then had another 499 over the next six years.”

Some of his dining partners were entrepreneurs but others were politicians, artists, academics, and community leaders. He found them via LinkedIn, summoning the nerve to fire off cold messages to people who looked like they had a story to tell. “95 per cent never replied, but 5 per cent did, and we met for lunch. I met some extraordinary people,” he says.

Consistent themes began to emerge long before he neared his target. The most powerful insight: that most people are not limited in life or business by their talent or ambition, but by their willingness to put their pride on the line.

Finding The Social Courage To Take Meaningful Risks

Bendel does not believe people are born with social courage. He certainly wasn’t, confessing he had little of it before this experiment. As the name suggests, there’s an element of bravery required, since a person must be willing to accept discomfort and take risks, even small ones. “By social courage, I mean doing something where you don’t feel ready, or where you might be judged, criticised, rejected, laughed at. You might be embarrassed or even humiliated,” he explains.

A personal example of social courage may be asking someone out on a date. In a professional context, it could be cold-calling a potential client, giving a speech or asking for a raise. “Usually, what holds us back is the fear of what other people will say. It’s not having the social courage to make that step,” he says. “The more social courage we display, the more success and fulfilment and happiness we have in our life.”

Another problem is the confidence trap, where people delay making moves until they feel confident. But this is self-defeating, he argues, since action precedes confidence in most cases. He likens it to a person on a health kick saying they wouldn’t start exercising until they were fit. “It’s the wrong way around,” Bendel says. “It’s doing scary things that gives you confidence.”

He says many of his lunch guests exuded confidence that he now knows was hard-won, not innate. “It’s something they developed through doing uncomfortable things, and realising they could do things that they thought were beyond them,” he explains.

He also found it liberating to learn he wasn’t alone in battling self-doubt. “I observed that all of us are riddled with insecurities, no matter our age, background, profession, wealth, social status or power,” he says. “Once I realised that people were paying much less attention to me than I feared, because they were too busy worrying about their own insecurities, it made it easier for me to take action.”

The Two Networking Mistakes Small Business Owners Make

When small and medium business owners do engage in networking, Bendel says they often make two mistakes. The first is skewing too far towards the hard sell instead of prioritising connection. “I’ve learned how important it is to get to know someone, not to try to sell them something, and to find out what they’re looking to achieve,” he says.

He recalls a networking function where he introduced a leadership coach to a potential client and a construction company owner to a debt collector. “Instead of trying to sell to people, I was taking a genuine interest and trying to benefit them,” he explains, pointing to a long game. “People might wonder, ‘But, Nick, how’s that going to benefit you?’ Well, it probably doesn’t in the short term. But the more relationships you build, and the more goodwill you put out there, the more that people are going to be thinking about you and will reciprocate.”

While some business owners make interactions too transactional, others slip up with the other extreme. People who lack social courage are less equipped to handle silence or rejection and construct negative narratives, he says, offering an example from his early days of LinkedIn outreach.

“Initially, I would notice if people didn’t reply, and I’d wonder, ‘Why haven’t they gotten back to me? Aren’t they interested? Don’t they want to meet me? Don’t they know I’m going to be interesting?’” he recalls. But the sheer volume of messages forced him to cast this mindset aside.

“I had to contact a few thousand people in order to get 500 to say yes,” he says. “I stopped taking it personally. And to the extent that I did think about it, I would think, well, she’s probably busy or meeting strangers doesn’t appeal to her. So, that’s a lesson people can take about doing outreach on LinkedIn. Do it on a regular basis, and don’t take rejection personally.”

Connections Can Be Forged Through Small Steps

Bendel says he remains an introvert, but now also feels comfortable in a networking setting and credits the practice with growing his business. His advice to fellow small business owners is to stick to the basics.

“I previously thought that if I went up to someone, I would need to say something funny or clever or witty or inspiring. I now realise you don’t need to say any of that,” he observes. “It’s enough to walk up and say, ‘Oh, hi, I’m Nick. What’s your name?’” Follow-up questions can be about their business, their ideal clients or current projects. “You don’t have to be clever at all,” he says. “Just ask open questions and give them the chance to talk. You don’t even need to talk for the other person to think you’re a good conversationalist.”

Bendel acknowledges that small and medium business owners are stretched thin, and may be reluctant to devote time to a marketing exercise without an immediate, visible return on investment. But he says networking can still be effective when it’s efficient. Instead of meeting one person for coffee, meet two or three. Virtual catch-ups also work and are easier to schedule.

“I definitely get that business owners don’t have enough time in their day,” he says. But he knows from the experience that making space in the schedule is crucial. “We have to create that time. If we don’t, it’s going to make our business very vulnerable to patchy revenue or, potentially, business failure.”

Bendel regards social courage as a muscle that cannot grow without being exercised, noting that small steps still count. “If you stop exercising the muscle, the muscle will shrink,” he says. “I have a lot more social courage than I used to, but I have to keep stretching myself and practising it. Otherwise, I know that I’m going to go back to the way I used to be.”